It's the most wonderful time of the year…unless you have challenging relatives. In which case you can practically cue the mayhem. Since December is National Stress Free Holidays Month, we thought we’d share a few tips to help you manage relational stressors that threaten your holiday spirit.
The holiday is a significant season in some people's lives; it is a time to gather and cheer with family and friends. In an ideal world, the holiday season and time spent with family would never be stressful. Unfortunately, some people have a less pleasant season due to pressure and anxiety from family issues and obligations. While some families are having fun and celebrating together, others are growing more anxious, apprehensive, and dreadful as the holidays approach.
Many of us have at least one toxic family member. Some of us are unlucky to be blessed with multiple. They belittle or aggravate others, manipulate situations so that they are the center of attention, show up late and expect everyone to wait patiently, or they are just never content or happy with anything at all.
Nothing is ever their fault, they constantly act like the victim, and everyone is against them. Alternatively, they may be highly sensitive, have a short fuse, and snap at the smallest provocation, which is frequently unintentional... The list is endless and it's draining.
Ways to Cope With Difficult Relatives
Staying hidden and avoiding family gatherings may seem like the best solution, but doing so means you'll miss out on the joy of spending time with other relatives you cherish. Not exactly a deal that makes you feel good or symbolizes the spirit of the holidays, is it? Try one of the following coping mechanisms to maintain the peace while also maintaining your sanity, if you're coping with minor family squabbles or outright poisonous people.
Remember What Matters
Remembering what matters to you is the key to having a splendid holiday.When we are clear on the values and beliefs we prefer to engage in, we are better able to decrease stress and manage situations in a way that suits our overall goals and personalities. In other words, we can be proud of ourselves for not being triggered by someone else’s nonsense
For example, when a gathering that you have high hopes for doesn’t go exactly to plan, you might feel irritated, sad, and lonely. But when you remember what matters to you and reflect on good things happening to you, there won't be a cause for distress.
Learn to Accept Imperfection
As the saying goes, no one is perfect. Learning to accept imperfection and acceptance of differences serves to improve our relationships. When you start thinking of those things that went wrong during the holiday, take a step back to consider what positives might arise from those situations. Make an effort to identify gratitude for the differences that make your family members unique.
Set Aside Time for Self-Care
When you are overwhelmed with activities during holidays, you may feel stressed or sad. Setting aside time to relax and care for your body will also help you think clearly and better manage your experiences. Essential self care tasks for your mental health include monitoring food choices, sleeping well, and taking breaks. In other words, don’t forget to drink your water and mind your business.
Your mental wellbeing is necessary and should be carefully considered, especially during holidays. Try to get enough rest and step back when needed.
Be Open To Change
Traditions are comforting and can be powerful for connection. Sometimes we treat traditions as a requirement for the holiday to exist. When in fact, the holiday season will come and go whether or not we get to laugh at Uncle Clarence cussing because he lost at spades, again.
Of course it will be disappointing, but you will discover your ability to adjust and find different ways to celebrate and enjoy each other.
The Takeaway
We cannot pick our family members, but we can learn to live with them. Every family has disagreements now and again, but in general, healthy families are able to resolve their differences amicably, extend forgiveness, and move on while keeping everyone's happiness as a priority.
In an ideal world, everyone would experience the happy ending they so desperately want, but if you don't, at least you'll know there are options for managing the things you can control.
Check next week’s blog for Holiday Self-Care Tips
About the Author
I’m Rayvéne Whatley a Licensed Professional Counselor in Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas. I enjoy empowering you to remove the mask of other people’s expectations and have the audacity to be yourself. I have a particular passion for Black man and women cope with anxiety and challenge expectations by reexamining beliefs that no longer suit their desires.
Note: While the information above is intended to provide insight as you begin your journey they are not intended to replace the guidance of a trained professional. Exploring these concerns in the presence of a licensed counselor or other licensed professional may provide deeper insight and assist in managing more multifaceted concerns that may arise.